I am a teacher and aspiring writer, and keep a blog to keep up with writing and document the daily moments that make up my life. Working with my students & travel writing are my biggest passions. People, art, food, wine/spirits, and culture are other writing interests. Thanks for coming by!

Monday, December 27, 2010

On Being Brave

Back in mid-October I had two moles removed from my left shoulder area. Getting the minor surgery for the biopsy proved to be pretty hard on me, mostly because it was an unexpected surgery, and also because I'd never had stitches. When I got the biopsy results, it turned out both moles were precancerous. I didn't take the news too well, and got really stressed out and depressed. So once I got my stitches out, I decided to give myself a break before committing to get further surgery.
Well, my sleepless nights of worry have returned, and I realized this morning that going through with the surgery is actually preferable to living with the dread of it and the constant worry. No matter how bad it could be, it couldn't be worse than living in constant dread of it. And not doing it all is not an option either, because clearly I can't leave the worry behind, and if something is precancerous, why take chances?
I am pretty much the least brave person in the world, so to commit to further surgery is about the bravest thing I've ever done. I am especially afraid of medical procedures. Shots alone used to terrify me as a child. Add surgery, and the unknown element (I have no idea exactly what will happen or exactly how much more tissue they will take, or how many stitches I will have to get) and as you might imagine, it's kind of a recipe for a nervous breakdown for someone like me.
But I am going to go through with, because I can't keep living with the dread and fear of it. I do dread the surgery worse than anything I've ever dreaded in my entire life, but the dread I feel toward getting the surgery done pales in comparison to one day potentially getting cancer because I didn't follow through on this procedure.
Different things are scary to different people, but being brave is so scary. However, there's no price on peace of mind, as they say, and getting surgery is my only path to getting there.
There's a quote that says, "Courage is not the absence of fear, but being brave in the midst of fear." In France, when someone is facing a big challenge, they will say, "Courage." That's exactly what I'll be needing in the weeks ahead.

1 comment:

bun2bon said...

I'm glad you're doing it! Better safe than sorry.