Pre-Baja CRAZE

So we arrived in Encinitas late-ish last night, and I thought we were pretty much in vacation mode at this point. But no. Granted, today was a day to do last minute odds and ends like grocery shop, get gas, get cash from the ATM, etc., so we knew it wasn't a completely cush day. However, Rob and Travis had about 118 pre-Baja secret projects going on that left Karissa and I completely baffled. Here is a loose timeline of the day.
9 am: Travis makes coffee, and pulls his new tent out of the bag. Rob helps Trav assemble new tent. They realize that the new tent is missing crucial parts, like a set of poles. Add trip to REI - to exchange tent - to the to do list.
10 am: Rob and Trav are outside completely unpacking Rob's vehicle, resorting everything and repacking it.
11 am: The guys are leaving to do their "manly men" errands. (Their words, NOT MINE!)
12 pm: Karissa and I get a call from Travis, they are at Smart & Final and want to know what kinds of drinks we might want. Tecates and limes we say.
1 pm: We get a call that they forgot toilet paper and paper plates. Can we get pick some up?
3 pm: Karissa and I arrive home with the groceries for the trip and they tell us that we bought WAY too much food, even though we only bought about a bag and a half of groceries a piece for 5 days for six people. They are convinced that with these new groceries everything will NEVER fit in Rob's FJ.
4 pm: Due to the influx of new groceries, coolers are being unpacked and repacked and unpacked and repacked again. It's getting exhausting just watching this. And no, they won't let us help.
5 pm: Reworking the camping gear, bags, clothes, food, etc, now that they have the coolers to contend with.
6 pm: Travis tells us he can't come to dinner with us. He's too stressed from all the packing and has to pay some bills, tie up some loose ends.
7 pm: They tell us we're waking up at 5:30 am to leave for Baja by 6 am.
And they call this a vacation???
I hope all of this was worth it. :)

Christmas break to-do list

1. Finish writing Christmas cards. Still so many left to write!
2. Take Coco to the dog park every day.
3. Finish Christmas shopping.
4. Clean the house.
5. Start reading "Educating Esme."
6. See friends I haven't seen in ages!
7. Buy more purple pens at office supply store.
8. Make a few more photo ornaments for family.
9. Pick up any last minute items for Baja trip!
10. Possibly get more Christmas cards made at Kinko's if necessary.
11. Walk at McKinley every day or go to the gym for yoga, swimming, or workout.
12. Call Saskia in Holland!
13. Go see a movie.
14. Read my magazines.
15. Go on a photo taking day with Rob so he can try out his new camera!
16. Wrap gifts.
17. Pack for Baja.
18. Hang photos on the walls.
19. Play piano.
20. Get resume posted on EdJoin and Subfinder!
21. Do some photo collages in journal.
22. Write New Year's resolutions.
23. Start on article(s) on dog park, and living in midtown for East Sac News.
24. Coco to groomer.
25. Get organized with school file(s)/supplies, etc.

I have so far yet to go.

Why is it that when one huge milestone is finally right in front of me, I begin to think of all the shortcomings I have, and start thinking about all of the ways in which I am not "there" yet? I am finally days away from getting my teaching credential after two year straight of eating, sleeping and breathing teaching. And instead of getting to enjoy this moment, my mind races straight to how much weight I want to lose, and how overwhelming it is to try to even begin getting there. And how I need to find a teaching job for the fall, and how I need to make more money than my nanny job will provide in the spring, and how I'm not as good of a cook as I'd like to be, or as clean or efficient or organized as I would like to be, and on and on and on. There is the version of me that I dream of, and the version of me that I am. It makes me really sad, because it feels like I always think I will be happy when I reach this next goal, and the goal is achieved, but instead of enjoying it, immediately all of my shortcomings come to mind and the joy is lost. Not that I don't feel joy often in life, I do. It's just that often big moments that I've highly anticipated in life have almost always been anticlimactic. Do other people experience this too, or is it just me? I am not trying to sabotage any chance at happiness I have in life, because I am often happy. But I have so many fundamental things about myself that I'd like to change. It's hard to know where to begin when you feel like you could improve in every possible way. And why haven't I written in years, or submitted anything in years? What is holding me back from running straight for my dreams? What's the worst that could happen? Another cranky editor can tell me that my writing is too abstract? Whatever. Life goes on. I want to take steps to be a better person. Not that I need a better heart, at least that part of me is good. But better motivation to pursue my dreams and not give up and believe I CAN. They say the hardest thing is to begin. They couldn't be more right. At least for me, it couldn't be more true.